he’s screaming and I don’t know what I did.
people are always screaming.
& they drown out the soft voices trying to comfort me.
making myself happy is so challenging.
how can you when all you hear is how wrong you are?
so many people arent proud.
I see those who are but I can’t hear them.
will you yell louder?
let me hear your sweet words.
drown out the screaming.
it’s going to get into my head again.
once it’s there, it won’t be able to get out.
& it will defeat me; beat me down to nothing.
again.
constant disappointment from the world will be all the thoughts back.
I want to stay proud of myself.
I want to stay happy.
stop turning that around!
you don’t have that place.
I’m trying hard to please you,
I promise.
I’m sorry that it isn’t enough.
I could be better; I know.
but please remember; im still healing.
part of me is still broken.
give me time.
I’m still behind.
understand; STOP SCREAMING
I can’t take it.
I want you to be proud..
but I have to be proud first..
why won’t you understand?
why won’t you stop screaming?

1/12/12